Saturday, June 18, 2011

Uncle Terry's Painting Camp! Yay!

Hey kids! Tired of the same old summer camp you go to every year? Do Mom and Dad send you off for weeks at a time doing boring stuff like swimming, hiking, singing stupid Lady Gaga songs around a campfire with a marshmallow on the end of a stick on fire? That is such KID STUFF! Don’t you wanna be a big boy?...or girl? Well, you’re in luck cuz this year there’s UNCLE TERRY’S PAINTING CAMP! Yay!! For a whole summer long you can go with Uncle Terry to meet new friends and climb REALLY tall ladders in or outside of their houses. You’ll be taught to carry a paint bucket up the really tall ladder with a brush inside of it, and when you get REALLY good maybe a caulking gun under one arm too! Doesn’t that sound like fun!? Wowza! Uncle Terry will teach you how to fold drop cloths, wash out brushes and rollers (he hates doing that, so you’ll get plenty of practice!) and you’ll learn the joys of scraping old lead paint off the sunny side of the house! Every morning Uncle Terry will wake you up (maybe a LITTLE early, 6 am-ish) and throw your asses…I mean, show you to your seat in the back of the old pickup truck and give you your favorite flavor of pop tart (grape or strawberry…store brand) and off we’ll go for the day’s adventure. After climbing up and down ladders for a while we’ll stop for about 5 minutes for a great (again, store brand) beanie weenie lunch with a few (store brand) crackers, and some water scooped from the nearest crick! You love them crackers don’t ya? I’ll teach ya how to roll walls with a REAL paint roller! Uncle Terry will even give you your own, with your name on it and everything and you can use it all day every day, for at least 8, maybe 10 hours! Then, after a hard..I mean, FUN day of work we’ll come back to Uncle Terry’s house and flop down on the floor for the evening with a few racy HBO movies and a bowl of your favorite (store brand) pizza rolls right out of the microwave, just like you like’m! So tell Mom and Dad you’re tired of those clowns down at the beach camps or them hillbilly hiking camps. Tell’m you’re getting just a little too old for that KID STUFF. This year you’re going to UNCLE TERRY’S PAINTING CAMP!


Dan Smith said...

Dear Mr Anderson,
I hope your painting camp idea works out, but this comment is unrelated.
Recently I changed email software from Microsoft Outlook to Mozilla Thunderbird. Guess whose catchy tune about cheap drinkin goes through my head now everytime I start up Thunderbird? And stays in my head the whole dang day?
Damn you Mr Anderson for writing such catchy tunes.
Dan Smith
London, Ontario, Canada

Brandi Bunn said...

HAHAHAHAHA.... I have two kids... that would love to come to Uncle Terry's paint camp!!!! ;D But only b/c it is Uncle Terry's Paint Camp!! Let me know where to sign'em up!!!