the Tar River dancer?

Y’all ain’t never gonna believe what I saw in Bunn yesterday. Well I was on my way back from the only wine store in town and as I rode by the Hess gas station I looked over and seen it. It was a man fiddin’ to pump some gas in a damn kilt! I shit you not! It liked to piss me off! I ain’t got a mean bone in my body and I wanted to pull over and whoop his ass! I guess I’ve just been living here too long but don’t come up in this piece with no damn kilt on! C’mon now, you ought to know better than that! You can get away with that mess in the big city if Raleigh but nobody ‘round here is gonna understand that kinda look. They just ain’t ready fer it! Anyway, he got out of the car and strutted his fancy ass around in front of all them country folk in that purty plaid green dress just like he knew something that nobody else did. I wasn’t sure where he was going with it or where he’d come from (though the Tar River is close by should he have wanted to dance) but my assessment was that since it was such a pretty day he was gonna enjoy a little freedom. Like…you know how they don’t wear no drawers under there right? That’s probably his little fun, purty day thing to do. Whatever, dude! Good luck with that. Just don’t go up no ladders or steps in that thing!