Sunday, June 10, 2007

Breakin’ 2

Movie review: Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo

Last night I clicked upon what could very well be the worst thing I’ve ever witnessed on my 53 inch screen, the ‘80s fashion disaster movie called Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo. Evidently, there was a Breakin’ 1, which is a shame unto itself but I did find myself mesmerized by just how horrible this tax write off really was. First of all, everyone was dressed a WHOOOOLE lot alike. They all, boys AND girls, had brightly colored cut off shirts that showed off their chiseled abs, with fingerless gloves of 2 different sherbet shades, some kind of hat turned sideways and lot sequins sewn in randomly. It was your basic ‘80s mall rat garb. One girl had a fedora with the top cut out and her flowing black locks sticking out. Damn! That looked stupid!
The music was directly ripped from Prince’s dumpster. It was all of his sounds but none of his hum-able melodies, probably programmed by a local high school basketball team.
During the three minutes that I watched this train wreck here’s what I saw. It was basically what amounted to “this town ain’t big enough for TWO breakdancing squads!”
Two rival breakdancing teams met in an alley and instead of fighting they had this ridiculous and very un-”fresh” dance-off on a piece of plywood laying on the ground.
One of the teams finally admitted defeat and went scurrying off like wounded dogs. Oh my God! How damn stupid can you get? I’m sure they didn’t realize it at the time but what they were breaking was new horizons in stupidity. I fought with myself the entire 3 minutes whether I should keep watching the carnage or get back to the game.
So it turns out that the whole premise of this movie is that these kids use breakdancing to save an old school from being turned into a shopping mall. As noble as their efforts were I really would have liked flipping back over at the end and seeing them all being run over by the bulldozer that also succeeded in tearing down the school. THAT would have made it worth watching! If I was Ice-T, the only recognizable character in it, I would have bought every copy of this smelly turd and had a big ‘ol bonfire in the back yard with’m.
In my book because of this, he can NEVER ever be taken seriously as an actor again.

2 comments:

Ace said...

Wow, an 80's version of "you been served". The 70's had "Rollerboogie" :x It's times like this that I slips in my DVD (anniversary edition) of Roadhouse. Truly the greatest "This town aint big enough for both of us" movie ever made. Hell it's got some the greatest actors saying some of the stupidits lines ever written. Even Jeff Healy says "I see what you mean". This movie has everything except Jack Bauer saving the world.

Yup, always keep a copy of Roadhouse next to da DVD player for nights like that.

extrastorchy said...

Funny you should post about this. I caught a 2 AM showing of this very movie a few years ago. Looked it up in my Leonard Maltin book and saw that it's rated 1.5 stars. Since then, Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo has become the yardstick by which I measure all movies.

Vanishing Point (2 stars) -- One of the greatest muscle car movies of all time. . .just half a star better than Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Police Academy 2 and 4-7 (no stars) -- 1.5 stars worse than Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Attack of the Crab Monsters (2 stars) -- Shitty Roger Corman B-movie. . .half a star better than Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo.

The Dirty Dozen (3.5 stars) -- proof that the four-star rating system isn't nearly enough stars to put a respectable distance between Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo and a timeless classic.