Tuesday, September 18, 2007


So, when my son Will and I played golf on Sunday we did so with someone we had never met before. He was by himself and seemed to wanna join so I extended the invite. I had noticed him earlier over by the putting green, he was standing to the side of it while we practiced our putting. He was swinging a driver over there just as damn hard as he could swing it. His follow through was wrapping the club around the top of his head. He accepted the invitation and started to tell us about himself. He let it be known that he was bi-polar (sp.?) and was on lithium. He had been in a lot of pain recently and almost killed himself by taking Advil WITH lithium, evidently a no-no.
His first hole was pretty spectacular, making par as Will and I struggled. He had a beautiful swing and could draw the ball perfectly. Soon the tables would turn though. His wife calls and begins to upset him on the second hole. He’s standing over there on the side of the fairway after topping TWO drives (that ended up close to each other) and he's just cussing away into his cell phone. A little bit of smoke is still pouring from his ears as we all putted out and went to number 3, a par 3 hole that we all played pretty well. By the forth hole though Jim was ready to quit. His wife had called again and soon he was topping the ball all over the place, slamming his clubs and cussing like a sailor. He was as tense as a whore in church. He and his wife are separated and yet she was giving him grief about an earring that she had found over at his place or some shit like that. I think he was laying about 9 strokes when he got to the green on #4. Will and I were killing his new driver, which I’m sure made things even worse for our foul mouthed friend since he could barely get one off of the ground. I was sure that he would be giving up soon but he hung on for the rest of the nine. I was hoping he’d leave at the turn but he was still tagging along as we approached the 10th tee. Will and I hit screamers, 250 or 280 yards with his new Sasquach driver as Jim (I think that was his name!) hit 2 into the lake. Again, he slammed his club into the ground and let the F-bombs fly.
At the 11th tee our prayers were answered. His wife called again and that’s when the top blew off. He’s over there while we’re trying to play golf…”How the hell should I know?..Don’t nobody gived a shit about that bullshit but you!..Awww Jesus, C’mon!” he screams into his cell phone. It was embarrassing. He finally hangs up and hits 2 more mulligans in the water “Fuck it! I’m outta here guys, thanks for putting up with me”. His parting shot was…”What’s that kid's name?” I say “Will”. He looks at my son and says “You ever plan on getting married Will?” He says “Yeah” “Well don’t fucking do it!” and with that drives off into the sunset.
Will and I had the best time after he left just laughing at him, not to mention playing a lot better golf. So be careful who you invite to play with you. It could be some 56 year old, separated, foul mouthed psycho!


Anonymous said...

Damn and i just got hitched!!

Anonymous said...

That´s why I use a TaylorMade-Driver... ;-)
Cheers, Arthur