flamethrower?

Anybody got a flamethrower I can borrow? I went out to start the lawn mower to cut grass and it was a no go. The starting mechanism can be temperamental sometimes, the battery has to be perfectly in place and bolts fastened just so. I rolled it outta the barn I keep in and down to my house to check all the contacts. So as I'm doing that I'm standing in the gravel under my carport where the ticks begin crawling up my legs, maybe about 20 on each leg. I wash them off and decide to spray for them bastards with a highly concentrated Diazanon mix. Then the nozzle on my sprayer started screwing up, not clogged but just spraying uncontrolably until the trigger finally broke from me trying to stop it. OK...then I'm gonna spray my gravel with lighter fluid and set them MF's on fire. I have a whole container of lighter fluid which I spray evenly across the gravel. Went to get the lighter, click..click..click..THAT son of a bitch is broke too! Awww..screw it, I'm just gonna stay inside and load the dishwasher, wash a few dishes.

..SHIT! we're outta dishwashin' liquid!