Tuesday, August 25, 2009
WARNING! GRAPHIC PIX!
The xylophone alarm on my shitty phone played a catchy tune and made my head pop straight up at 5:30am this morning. It’s the day that I’ve both been dreading and looking forward to getting over with, colonoscopy day! Yaaay! Everybody knows that guys hate going to the doctor and I’m no exception. I’ve put this off for over two years now. I’m fifty-two and my mom died from cancer so I was overdue for a close up inspection. There was and still is a slight pain under my right ribs occasionally, but it has gotten duller over the days since first going to the doctor, so as you can imagine that pain made me fear the worst. Visions of death panels danced in my head. My son Will was good enough to get up early and go with me and drive home. After checking in Miss Karen prepped me in that cold room with the curtains everywhere and it wasn’t long before the anesthesiologist and another nice lady came and got me and rolled me into another even COLDER room where I met the doctor and was assured that I wouldn’t feel a thing. They squirted the Michael Jackson juice (literally the same stuff!) into my arm and in about 15 seconds I felt VERY heavy (even heavier than usual!). In what seemed like the next instant, I was awakened and told that everything looked normal. That was a weight off of my back that I had been carrying around since the appointment was made 2 weeks ago. I can rest easily (at least MORE easily) now though and will go back in 5 years without any fear of pain from the procedure or embarrassment from being naked in front of pretty girls. The biggest embarrassment is when they push really hard on your belly afterwards and make you FART for a solid minute!