Saturday, June 07, 2008

stick out your tongue and say...

OK, I’m done with being mature. Screw that! In the face of adversity most adults do the usual, shoot the bird or turn around and pull their pants down and point to their ass and give a smoochie kind of look. Nope! Not doing that anymore. From here on out I’m sticking out my tongue. Yep! Just like in 3rd grade, just like I learned when I was 4! You’re getting’ it buddy! Just cross my path! I’ll have my eyes closed, my nose turned up and tongue straight out to the tonsils! I’ll even turn my body sideways a little bit just to add to the stupidity.
I tried it out yesterday morning on Nathan when we did our usual go-around about getting ready for school. He wants to get up and start playing games instead of brushing his teeth, putting on clothes and eating breakfast. Well I had had enough and just squatted right down in his face and stuck out my tongue! “Oh! real mature Dad!” he sez. Oh yeah! THAT got his attention. Actually it kinda pissed him off, the desired effect.
Just imagine some dude cuts you off in traffic and you pull up beside him and stick out your tongue. I’m sure his response would be “What?! are you 4 years old?!” Yeah! There ya go! That’ll teach your ass, bitch! Or you’re having it out with your kid’s principal at school and you have nothing for her dead on reply to your stupid question, what do you do? Yep! Let it all hang out baby! She’ll just walk her ass away!
Getting audited? Just as soon as the IRS rep finds your first infraction make the ugliest face you can make and give it to him. Tongue still out, he’s like” Uh…dude? How old are you again?” See there, ain’t that good? He won't know whether to arrest you or call your Mommy!
Or what about when the cop pulls you over for speeding and he hands you the ticket and as he’s walking off you say “Hey!” and when he turns around just stick that bitch out! UH! Take that! And then step on it!
Nope! No more shooting the bird to the President every time he comes on my TV.
He’s getting’ the tongue baby! And I MEAN it!

No comments: