Wednesday, January 09, 2008

The K-Mart Hot Dogs

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The Woods did a show at the (should be) world famous Brewery in Raleigh, Norf Cakalaka a long ass time ago as a fictitious band called The K-Mart Hot Dogs. We did all of the stupidest, dumbest shit we knew…plus a couple of purty ones. Well, purty ONE...”She’s Nice” is a song David and I wrote together that started out as a song called “She’s an ass”. Somehow it ended up being “She’s Nice” but it IS really pretty and really NRBQ sounding. We also did “Doghouse”, a song I wrote that David slapped another verse on... I had:
Somebody turned the doghouse over….
Made Mama mad and it upset Rover
Somebody peed in the swimmin’ pool
Got in trouble for skippin’ school
It was me! it was me! Cuz I’m a little shit!

David chimed in with:
Somebody pooped in their new blue jeans
Filled’m up nearly split the seams
Somebody sat on Grandpa’s hat
Nearly squshed the damn thang flat
It was me! it was me! Cuz I’m a little shit!..

We also did “Hairnet”, mostly David’s best I remember:
She was a purty little waitress at the doughnut store…
When I got to the place
She was moppin’ the floor…
The floor was greasy and wet, it had coffee stains
So I lifted up her hairnet..
And pulled out her brains…
Yeah..I lifted up her hairnet
lifted up her hairnet
lifted up her hairnet
lifted up her hairnet
lifted up her hairnet….and pulled out her brains…

This one went crazy that night because we did it to the tune of The Eurythmics “Would I lie to you?”
“Billie” was a song about my mentally challenged Aunt Billie. The verses accused her of being in the FBI and the music was funky as shit!
David did his Smokey impression, singing “Being with You” in the tune of “Beast of Burden”( not too far of a stretch if you think about it).
David also did “Purty Little New Wave”:
Purty little new wave with the chopped up hair
What are you doing standing over there
Purty little new wave with the chopped up hair
What are you sayin’ with the clothes you wear…

“Dreamboy’ is a song I wrote about Larry Craig loooong before I’d ever heard of him. So you’ll enjoy the words to this one when that Woods box set hits your doorsteps:
I caught his eye in a bathroom through a hole in the stall
That dreamy eye just kept starin’ at me
As I looked back up at the wall
Well you can dream on little dreamboy
I know you like what you see
But you can dream on little dreamboy
…if you’re dreamin’ of me


Anonymous said...

I remember Dreamboy, you performed that one quite a bit for a spell as I recall. I think you also wore pink ribbons in your hair at that point?!@

Jeff Hart said...

Easily one of the most memorable show's I've ever seen. I STILL laugh about those songs. The between song chatter was pretty funny too "the Woodpeckers wrote that, they're ok. Yeah, they're pretty good." I listened to this tape on the way to David's funeral. Very good traveling music.

Jeff Hart said...

one additional comment / question: was david's song "git yerself that way" about keith richards?

David said...

Loved that show. Hell, loved all of 'em, but that one does stick with ya.

TA said...

I think David wrote "Git yo" about himself, his lyrics were never as happy as his music.


Sherry said...

I plumb fergot how funny those songs were..Tell 'em the story of "It's Loafa Bread!"..OP loves that story..

Anonymous said...

I remember that show - remember that Hairnet song especially. Wow! Time warp. So what's happening with the box set? When, when?