commercial rock

We were talkin’ last night about how great that track would be for a Gap commercial or something. In this late stage in my life I wouldn’t be opposed to commercializing one of my songs. Hell, I don’t give a shit. “Show me the money!” Put one in a Tampax commercial, I don’t care. Hell, I’m just waiting for a big ‘ol hit to retire on. Ain’t got nuthin’ else. How do you get songs in commercials anyway? I guess ya gotta know somebody that knows somebody. One thing I hate though is when the company uses a song I hate..and that they know everybody hates!. I HATE that! How the hell you gonna hook me in when I’m running as fast as I can for the remote to hit the mute button? I gravitate to great songs, on TV or not. Songs that have me now on TV (when I watch! which is about 20 minutes a day.) are, #1..that heavy badass rockin’ thing on the Dell commercial (the one with the Asian kung-foo dude in a wig). I turn that bitch up every time it comes on! Anybody know who that is? I’ll buy shit out of it! And #2 is the song on the commercial for the iNano. Listen to this, and this ain’t no lie. I was playing guitar one afternoon and (prolly drinkin’ wine) I was just jumpin back and forth between a couple of chords and found a pretty good concoction. I turned up the TV and that iNano song comes on. I swear the song I was playing on my couch was THAT song! I was JUST playing that song and I’d never heard it before in my damn life! Playing it BEFORE I’d heard it, right DAMN before! You know what I mean?
Which…I knew was sign…a sign to keep drinking. So I obliged.

new record, day one

Jack, (engineer) Jonathan and I got in there last night and started laying down some tracks for the new record. First Jon and I put down another drum track for Keith’s version of “Photograph”. Not replacing the old one, mind you, just putting down ANOTHER one! You know, like the Ringo LIVE show, two drummers. It sounds pretty damn big and bad. When that was done, Jon asked “OK, what we doing now?” Knowing that he didn’t drive all the way from Durham just to sit around with my ugly mug, I showed him one of my new songs, “Lost Your Number”. He set up a loop and got me a good guitar sound and off we went, vocals, bass, piano, etc. It turned out NOTHING like I was hearing it (which happens a lot!) but still very hooky and cool. It may not be the final version but it sure is a HI-FI-lootin’ soundin’ demo! They loved it and I was really glad to get started.

Play ball!

Dan called me last week from the airport on his way to Tunisia and all parts nearby. One of the last things he said was that he really hoped he would miss seeing the greatest comeback in the history of the Braves for the postseason. It would be too. And all things broke in that direction last night. The Braves are now just 2 back in the Wild card. It’s still not very likely but our fingers, like many other fans for their teams, are crossed. If they don’t make it, here’s hoping for another chance at a Cubs/ Red Sox match-up in the World Series.
Know what torture is? It’s being on the top of a 32 foot ladder listening to your radio below and an “affalete” comes on for an interview. You know, the ones that go like this..”well, you know…me and my you know teammates you know …you know just
love you know playing this game you know and we feel like you know we still you know have a you know chance to you know...you know make some noise you know we just take it you know one game you know at a time you know and we believe you know in ourselves and our you know God given you know abilities you know and you know we can you know only give it 110 percent you know every day you know and you know you know you know you know you know you know you know…. you know?”
Jeeez! It’s like a speech impediment or something! Use the damn English language, fool!
Breaking news..The Barry Bonds 756 ball will go to Cooperstown WITH an asterisk. Awesome! That would have been my vote.

note from PJ

I got this note from my friend Pat O'Connell (known worldwide as PJ O'Connell)..

We played "You Know Me" on wfmu in NYC last night on a show I did
with Terry Adams. It's archived on the link below. Nice work Terry. OC

> http://wfmu.org/playlists/shows/24664

close call

 

Whew! That was a close one! I made a bet with my wife yesterday that if the Braves would pull out a win that I would go to the church across the street today. The odds were in my favor. The Braves were down 3-2 in the bottom of the tenth inning so I felt pretty sure that the suit would stay in the closet. Then they tied it up and soon a base hit from Mark Texiera won the game. Damn! I was both happy for the win but sad for losing the bet.
This morning Will reminded me that had I offered to make a quiche for his church’s pot luck dinner. I saw my out. Ooops! Honey, gotta stay home and make that quiche!
Thank ya Lawd! I can hear it now though, "We missed you in church today!" Yeah, well I missed you at the bar last night too!
Well, not much to report on the music front. I had to take off work this past Thursday and Friday due to rain, so I worked on some song demos that I had been putting off forever. I can hear them songs just fine in my head so it sometimes annoys me to have to demo them for others to hear. I’m just not good enough on guitar to do the songs justice so sometimes I’m embarrassed to play’m for folks.
I HAVE figgered out that Craig Ferguson on the Late Late Show (comes on after David Letterman) is the funniest sumbitch on TV. Of course, I don’t sit up every night and wait for it. That’s when that Tivo thing comes in real handy.

Why I paint.

I paint because I’m good at it and it gives me another creative outlet. I’ve been doing it since I was fourteen and that was a real long time ago. My first job, I helped my dad and his crew scrape the old Wake Forest Elementary, a building that is long gone. I remember it was about 500 and 80 degrees outside and I was on the sunny side. But soon I worked my way up from the scraping brigade to the closet gang. I mean, who gives a shit what the inside of a closet looks like, huh? "We'll stick the kid in there!" After proving my worth inside those hellholes, I was rolling walls in people’s living rooms and shit. OMG! Everyday folks would see my work…every day! THEN, it became important. So when I showed interest in that I was given a REAL paint brush (with actual bristles!) and allowed to “cut-in” the walls! Holy Shit! I had to cut straight lines so that the job looked all professional and shit. After I got the hang of that and I thought "what on Earth could be more responsibility that THAT!" But soon, I found out what it was...the biggest job on ...well...the job! Painting windows! Yep! I had made it! What an honor to dig in and paint each sash so eloquently and perfectly! I was there! I had my black belt in painting and no fuckin’ body could take it away from me! "They'll take this brush out of my COLD DEAD HANDS!" Uhhhh....yeah, anyway...
My Dad retired and it was up to me to make my own livin’. So I decided that I weren’t gonna hire nobody else and I wouldn’t have no damn business cards. My work would be my business card. And thass the way it’s been for almost 15 years now. Axe anybody I’ve worked for! They always call me back for their next project.

Thass the best I can give ya for one of those “honest man, honest livin’” speeches…I still wanna quit and play music all the time. I just need a hit. Hey! Maybe I'll write one at work tomorrow! Yipeeee!

Take a damn drank!

PsychoGolfer

So, when my son Will and I played golf on Sunday we did so with someone we had never met before. He was by himself and seemed to wanna join so I extended the invite. I had noticed him earlier over by the putting green, he was standing to the side of it while we practiced our putting. He was swinging a driver over there just as damn hard as he could swing it. His follow through was wrapping the club around the top of his head. He accepted the invitation and started to tell us about himself. He let it be known that he was bi-polar (sp.?) and was on lithium. He had been in a lot of pain recently and almost killed himself by taking Advil WITH lithium, evidently a no-no.
His first hole was pretty spectacular, making par as Will and I struggled. He had a beautiful swing and could draw the ball perfectly. Soon the tables would turn though. His wife calls and begins to upset him on the second hole. He’s standing over there on the side of the fairway after topping TWO drives (that ended up close to each other) and he's just cussing away into his cell phone. A little bit of smoke is still pouring from his ears as we all putted out and went to number 3, a par 3 hole that we all played pretty well. By the forth hole though Jim was ready to quit. His wife had called again and soon he was topping the ball all over the place, slamming his clubs and cussing like a sailor. He was as tense as a whore in church. He and his wife are separated and yet she was giving him grief about an earring that she had found over at his place or some shit like that. I think he was laying about 9 strokes when he got to the green on #4. Will and I were killing his new driver, which I’m sure made things even worse for our foul mouthed friend since he could barely get one off of the ground. I was sure that he would be giving up soon but he hung on for the rest of the nine. I was hoping he’d leave at the turn but he was still tagging along as we approached the 10th tee. Will and I hit screamers, 250 or 280 yards with his new Sasquach driver as Jim (I think that was his name!) hit 2 into the lake. Again, he slammed his club into the ground and let the F-bombs fly.
At the 11th tee our prayers were answered. His wife called again and that’s when the top blew off. He’s over there while we’re trying to play golf…”How the hell should I know?..Don’t nobody gived a shit about that bullshit but you!..Awww Jesus, C’mon!” he screams into his cell phone. It was embarrassing. He finally hangs up and hits 2 more mulligans in the water “Fuck it! I’m outta here guys, thanks for putting up with me”. His parting shot was…”What’s that kid's name?” I say “Will”. He looks at my son and says “You ever plan on getting married Will?” He says “Yeah” “Well don’t fucking do it!” and with that drives off into the sunset.
Will and I had the best time after he left just laughing at him, not to mention playing a lot better golf. So be careful who you invite to play with you. It could be some 56 year old, separated, foul mouthed psycho!

Piling on?

or just telling it like it is?

President Reagan referencing doing a favor for the first President Bush before he was the first President Bush..
Historical Quote of the Day...
"A moment I've been dreading. George brought his ne're-do-well son around this morning and asked me to find the kid a job. Not the political one who lives in Florida. The one who hangs around here all the time looking shiftless. This so-called kid is already almost 40 and has never had a real job. Maybe I'll call Kinsley over at The New Republic and see if they'll hire him as a contributing editor or something. That looks like easy work."
-- Ronald Reagan in his recently published diaries , May 17, 1986.

Thanks to Bob Davis for this constribution.

too much fun!

 

So let me describe my Sunday to you. 12am: The Olympic theme is played and we hit the stage, rock like hell for an hour and a half. 3 song encore, load the van. 3am: get home, rest a minute before going to bed. 9am: wake up, make coffee. 10am: get on bike and ride for about 10 or 12 miles to the cute little town of Spring Hope.

 

1pm: get home and when Will gets done with lunch we go and play 18 holes of golf.
6pm: 2 Advil are required along with several red wines
8pm: after the wife serves me a great meal of crabmeat pasta, an ice pack is needed on my neck.
4am, Monday: more Advil
9:30am, Monday: more Advil

in da basement!

Hanging out in the basement cause everything on TV sucks! Here's what I found...
rock and roll music

 

Cheers to you too! Ronnie!

 

promised land

 

The Q!

 

My Mom's, her favorite song..

 

E doll

 

last chance!

 

OK folks, it’s your last chance to catch the OakTeam in North Carolina until December. That’s when I do my annual birthday gig (This year’s theme will be “Area 51”) We’re playing The Pour House this Saturday night, the 15th with that fabulous band, The T’s. I don’t think they named themselves after me but they DO have a new record finished and it was recorded by none other than our very own Big Daddy Dave Bartholomew. They DO rock!
We gots no other dates on the books this year cause we GOTTA git busy on the new stuff. (Big Al will be in town too around the middle of October to do some writing and recording.) So call the babysitter, call the boss and ask off, do whatever ya gotta do to catch this show. It gonna be a doozie and the last one for a while around here.

Dixie

 

Dog lowdown

So I’m sure that the world is on the edge of their seats waiting on hearing about the root of the problem that I have with my dogs. Well, Grace wanted this really cute Chow, her excuse being that I would be “gone all of the time” (expecting superstardom as we do…like winning the lottery!) and she would make a good guard dog. She was kind’a cute and even though I didn’t want the responsibility of a dog I gave her my approval (all the while knowing that I would be painting 75% of the time!). So we named her Dixie and it wasn’t long after she had grown into her own personality that I realized that she was a true bitch. We REALLY didn’t get along and yet I still had to feed her, which made it that much worse.
So I put up with her for years and years (I think she’s about 12 now).
At about the age of 2 (plus) she had a litter of youngin’s. They all got snatched up purty quick and I saved the best for last, meaning that I wanted to keep the cutest one. We did and his name was Ringo. As he grew, NOT did his legs! So evidently, Dixie had gotten nasty with…a “HOT DOG” DOG! She had to squat REAL low…Oh..nevermind!
I got attached to Ringo and yet hated his Mom. This went on for years (and I think Ringo is about 9 or 10 now). I fenced off a huge area in the back yard for them and fed’m good. I’d let’m out for a run every week or so and Ringo would always willingly trot right on back inside just happy for the opportunity. Dixie, on the other hand, had to be CAPTURED! This was not as fun as it sounds. I literally had to LASSO her ass one time! So one day Ringo digs out. I catch him and lead him back in. I think I have found the escape route and so I fix it, but again the next day he’s out again. This goes on for days and weeks and finally I give up. Since he’s not in the pen he doesn’t get fed. He’s starts hangin’ out with “the wrong crowd”. And then finally one day he never came home. I miss him but my Dad said he saw him over at his place one day so I haven’t given up hope that he’s still alive.
I knew Dixie would NEVER go back in so I finally tore down the fence. She wanders aimlessly around the neighborhood now. I thought she was a gonner yesterday. I was leaving for work and as I was backing up the minivan I went over a “speedbump”. It let out a yelp! And sure enough she ran right into my rear view mirror looking at me like..”why in the Hell did you do that!” I felt bad but she had her usual hobble (nothing more) as she walked away and I assumed that she was OK. Unfortunately that WAS the case! Still waiting…but not (knowingly) helping along her demise.

lessons in turning left

Some of the stupidest people on Earth are behind the wheel of a car. Scary thought, huh?
Everybody hates the “left lane buddy”. That dude that drives in the left lane exclusively and basically shuts down the passing lane. Thus, slowing the flow of traffic down to their own inept speed. That guy is pretty bad. But another DUMBASS that I have to vent about is the guy who is in front of you, turning left in an intersection at the same time that the car facing him is turning left. Invariably, these knuckleheads are waiting, pointing and mouthing “you go”, “no, you go”, “no, you go”. Meanwhile, the light is turning yellow.
Let me explain something folks, unless you are a REALLY bad driver and are scared of hitting your opponent head on (“apply directly to the forhead”..sorry)
YOU BOTH GO!!!! It’s really really simple, just turn left like you normally would, avoiding each other and get on your dumbass merry fuckin’ way to damn Wal-Mart or Biscuitville or wherever! And let the rest of us!
Last night I got behind one of these standoffs and one of the guys literally gave up and went straight and then took a U-turn 50 feet up the road and then turned right. GOD!
People are so damn stupid!

don't trust

We figgered out a long time ago, there's two things you can't trust..for sure!...The Andy Griffith Show IN COLOR and any Chuck Berry record IN STEREO!Think about it!
Hey! We're getting started on the new OakTeam record either this week or next..everyone is dedicating one night a week to getting one good rhythm track down each night and Jack and I (and whoever is available) can take it from there. With that plan in place we can be done with the record in a little over 3 months and get it out by Spring of next year, which would be about perfect!
Hail to the Redskins, hail victory...

life explained

So here's what happens, when you're NOT out playing gigs and hanging out with the band, meeting new people and learning new things about life and music, and enjoying the landscape, and the food, and the whole experience....you forget who you are. Thass why you drink when your not out there...and not yourself.
You just miss your real life so bad.

city market first Friday

The OakTeam “Family show” last night really couldn’t have been more IG-NUNT!
There were a bunch o’ kids running around and dancing to the music and even getting up and singing on “Purple GTO”, which along with “Daddy Had a Wreck” seemed to be a favorite for the Kindercare crowd.

 

 

 

Even though we hadn’t played since August the 1st we were tighter’n Dick’s hat band!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Those who hung around long enough realized that we were serious about the NO UGLY WORDS theme of the gig. The new hit “Get Your Hiney up the Road” was a highlight of the evening, even though it made many of our diehard fans start searching for the barfbag! Staying away from the “ugly words” was harder than I thought it would be. I DID let an “Ass” slip after the breakdown in “Git yo’…”, but other than that I was golden. Remembering to say “dang” instead of “damn” almost threw me off a few times but I think I caught them all.

 

 

 

RIP P-Rott

So sad to hear about the death of Pavarotti, or as he’s known in Rap circles..“P-Rott”.He was a big influence on me and the way I sing. As many of you can tell, a lot of my vocal “stylings” were ripped directly from him. He was a true inspiration.
Speaking of P, I noticed a couple of things other than the smell of sheep shit and tobacco curing when I was out on my long bike trip this past Monday. Number one, wearing bright colors is good for making drivers aware of you but it makes it a lot harder to hide in the woods to take a pee without being noticed. And number two, (No attempts at #2 were made, BTW!) my legs never get as sore as my ass does.
Do y’all get calls from drunk people at 9:30 in the morning? You’re lucky.
I hope some folks come to our gig tonite. It’s actually from 7:30 to 10:30. Should be a beautiful night.

no ugly words

Yippee! The OakTeam FINALLY has another gig to look forward to. It's tomorrow night in downtown Raleigh behind where Greenshield's used to be before it burnt down. (That's OK, the food sucked and the beer won't much better. Plus, the old lady at the cash register was a bitch!) The event is formally known as First Friday in City Market...or something like that. To the best of my knowledge, (being the last to know and all) we'll play everything we know. Starting somewhere around 7pm and going into the wee wee hours (about 10pm). In order to make this a more memorable gig than all the rest (if that's possible) I'm promising myself not to say ANY ugly words. And just to keep anything ugly outta my mouth, I won't even mention any ugly people like Ohhh...Whoopie Goldberg, George Bush or even Keith Richards. I've decided that much like pot leads to heroin, ugly words can lead to even worse behavior, you know, like smoking, parking in a handicap space, drinking the last swallow of wine in the bottle without asking, taking a wide stance in an airport bathroom..shit like that.
So to be a better role model for the kids (since the gig IS outside!) I'm gonna keep it clean. I promise to try my fuckin' damndest!...I mean...darndest! See y'all down there!

Happy Labia Day

Hope y’all’s Labia Day is going well. I currently have a fire on the grill what I’m fiddin’ to throw some marinated tuna steaks on. My chef buddy, Bob Mazzerati (that I do the truffle thing with) gave me a big ‘ol tuna tenderloin that I sliced into 6 big beautiful steaks. Anyhoo, my day started as usual, with a pee..ooops!..I mean after that! I went on a bike ride. I’m trying to stretch my endurance so that I can make it all the way to Spring Hope, NC. Well, today I did 23 miles so I think I am more than ready to make the 12 mile trip to Shit Hope and back. Of course, along the way I stopped to visit. I went by my Dad’s house and he and I always talk a lot of golf and he’s got the new HDTV thing going on that is completely blowing his mind, so I had to hear all about that. Then I rolled down the street to my sister’s house who was cleaning out her pool. Then I went to my cousin Johnny’s car fixin’ shop but he won’t there, so I turned around and went to my Aunt Flossie’s house to wish her a happy 86th birthday (last Saturday). Lord! That was a mistake! I had to “sit down, I want you to sit down!” to hear all about Kim (whoever that is) and how bad she’s doing and about her paint job in the room where we sat that looked REALLY bad but I had to imply otherwise, and about how tough SG’s collards were last year and so on and so on. So meanwhile it’s getting hot outside and I have to beg out. Not only that but their “story” is fiddin’ to come on.
Well, the coals are about hot enough to throw the steaks on so I’m outta here. I’ll get up with y’all next time right here on HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAW!

roadhouse 1

More Swyaze

So I get summoned into the bedroom tonight to witnify the last few minutes of “Roadhouse”. Now, Y’all know I gotz a song on the “Roadhouse 2” soundtrack, (for DVD release only of course!) but I’ve kept up with the lightfooted Mr.Swayze ever since my Momma loved her some “Dirty Dancing” about 53 times. The new “Roadhouse 2” doesn’t feature Super Swayze which let me down a bit, but at least it gots Meeee!!
So here’s my Momma’s review of the original “Roadhouse”. Y’all ready? Realize that this was the follow up to “Dirty Dancing”. Now, this ain’t makin’ fun o’ Momma..but here was her thoughts on it..”It won’t dat good”
That was it. And it was duh!, OMG! oh so right! When I watched he last few horrifying minutes of “Roadhouse” I was seriously offended that someone would expect even the dumbest son-of-o-bitch on Earth to believe this shit! It was the most laughable attempt at serious cinema that has ever crawled across the screen! And she says..”
It won’t dat good.”? No Momma, it won’t!