OMG! I suck!

Jesus, Mary and Ralph! OMG! Today I went out to my car to try to find some scissors to cut my hair with (it was all in my eyes and shit!). When I looked into a tool box I found a cassette tape with my name on it. It was really old, early 80's or so, and I didn’t even know if it would play or not. I had my G.E. portable cassette recorder with me so I popped it in. Hell, ya never know there might be a little nugget on there we can use for the next record.
The first song wasn’t so bad. It was The Fabulous Knobs doing a song of mine called “Love Letter Late”. It’s kind of a rock-a-billy diddy with not TOO embarrassing lyrics. The next one wasn’t quite as good. It was my demo of a song The Knobs used to do called “Encourage Me”. The guitars were outta tune and my singing was a lot more horrendous than it is now (can you imagine?). Anyhoo, the more the tape played the more I wanted to kill myself. Each song was just another kick in the nuts. I mean, did I really write a song called “Lips, get ready”? This was the by far the worst of the bunch. It was like a Kiss throwaway. Listening to it was like somebody cutting open my back and scraping my spine with a jagged rock. This song really hurt my feelings.
There were other bad ones too though. There was one called “Heartache to Follow” which I cleverly took from the phrase “hard act to follow”. You know, after writing a song that stupid why didn’t I just quit after that? At that point, I was still young enough to go back to school or go to some Culinary Arts Institute or something. I could have at that point still made something of my life. Oh well! At least I got enough sense not to let anybody else hear this shit. You’re only getting the best folks…and there is a HUGE gap between the really bad and the really good!

Football

No, not that 90 minutes of nuthin’ to nuthin’ football!! I’m talkin’ about that U.S American (Thanks Miss Teen South Carolina!) Football! Baby!
Ehhh! Who gives a shit! I mean I do but not as much as everyone else. And not just because all of MY teams SUCK on a stick dot com! But because…well….HELL! I don’t know why! Damnit! I just like (college) basketball, baseball and golf better. That’s all. I understand why the ladies like it. I’m sure it’s just package inspection after package inspection after package inspection after package inspection after package inspection after package inspection after..OK, you get the idea. But that don’t do a lot fer me. (Although I caught myself really liking Perry Ferrell’s band, what are they called.. Satellite Radio? on Sirius’ gay …NOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT! NOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT! Channel)
Hold on, the phone’s ringing…………………It’s Big Al, better get it…..(30 minutes later….) OK, where was I? …
Football? What the Hell!? Who picked that stupid ass topic? Anyhoo…
Big Al was tellin’ me about how he was gonna come to NC and that we were gonna make a Dinkies record. The Dinkies is such an awesome name for a band. I think me and Al could make some amazing record together.
Shit! Wasn’t I supposed to be talking about Football? Well, honestly I do love football. But not because I like the game but because it signifies the beginning of Fall. Do you realize this has been the hottest month EVER in North Carolina. And I’m talking about with NO rain! It’s bad, believe you me! I shit you not! So, a serious cool-down is definitely in order. But Fall is my favorite. I know shit is dying off but I always feel reborn during this time of year.
I love too, how I get to do all that manly shit, gathering the fuckin’ wood and keeping the Norwegian woodstove stoked (That son of a bitch will run you outta the house!! A few years ago when the power went out the kids were cryin’ “Can’t you turn it down!” I looked at the thermostat and it said “86”)
I guess the best thing about cold weather is that I get to wear more clothes..which will cover up all this FAT!! Jesus, Mary and Ralph! Time to get the fat clothes back out!
Football? when?

Waaay Overdue!!

got this from Mac's secretary:

Petition Statement: Whereas, from 1969 to 1975, The Faces - Rod Stewart, Ron Wood, Ian McLagan, Ronnie Lane, and Kenney Jones - played their loose and joyful blues - and soul-inflected rock-n-roll with reckless abandon, consummate skill, immeasurable charm, and more than a few adult beverages, and

Whereas, for those few years they were arguably the greatest band on the planet, and

Whereas, their influence has resonated ever since through the music of countless acts, from The Sex Pistols to The Replacements to The Black Crowes, and on and on, and

Whereas, greater than the sum of its parts, The Faces made now-immortal music that encapsulates everything good, fun, and exciting about rock-n-roll and for which there will never, ever be a last call,

Therefore be it resolved, that we, the undersigned, on this 1st of July, 2007, hereby petition the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to induct The Faces into its hallowed halls, as this most deserved recognition is LONG OVERDUE.

Ooh La La!

Signed,

It is for a good cause, so please take the time to visit the petition and support it by signing it.

Thank you.
Petition Spot Webmaster


You can promote this petition by going here: http://www.petitionspot.com/signature/thefacesrrhof

premier

Last week I was painting when a knock came to the door and a dude was standing there with a boxed 52” flat screen TV on a handtruck. “You gonna sign for this TV?” I knew it was coming, “Yeah, I’ll sign. You got any help?” I asked noticing that he was alone. “Yeah, grab the other side.” he says. I was a bit taken aback but not completely surprised. “OK, I can help...it’s gong upstairs” I tell him. “No, I’m just supposed to take it inside. If it goes upstairs that’s called a premier. He didn’t pay for the premier.” “I thought the premier was ME helping YOU!” I say. He sneered and picked up the box and we carried it inside and set it down. I thought to myself “premier, huh?”
So from now on if I go above and beyond what I’m being paid to do (which I generally do daily) I’m gonna call it a “premier”. Won’t you help me spread this term around for all the world to abuse.
Jeez, whatever happened to just making that little bit of extra effort (in this case about 20 more steps, granted upstairs but still!) to make the customer happy? I guess he wanted to be paid for each step.

situation

 

They was a situation out in front of the house tonight, like an episode of "COPS", folks got pulled ohvah and she actually got in the sheriff's car when everybody left.

sell outs

No offense to anyone who’s sold himself out lately, but that ain’t fiddin’ to be me. After about 40 years of deep thought I’ve realized that I just am whut I am. And guess whut, if’n you was wanting me to come and play at your church or book club meetin’ if I would just “turn down a little bit”…..uuuuH..it ain’t gonna happen. Not unless we get to ack the fool just like in the shows.
So don’t look for a children’s record or any Farmer Terry records or any of that silliness from me. Don’t worry, all I have planned for you is as many beautiful, melodic, rockin’, smartass sing-a-longs as I can muster for the next ohhhhhh…..5 or 7 years.

sometimes I'll see pictures..

 

sometimes I'll see pictures that I've never seen before..this was taken in Monty's back yard in the FLA!

how we roll...

 

summertime, 99degrees, how we roll up in Bunn, grillin', chillin' and gettin' the schoolhouse record play'a out to listen to Prince's "Pop Life" on LP. Watering (my 25) Jap Maples and pissin' Nathan off by sayin' "I thought it was gonna get HOT today?".

BullsBraves

 

The Anderson clan went to the Durham Bulls/Richmond Braves game Thursday night with (and thanks to..) my friend Barry Herndon. It was a beautiful night and we had a stupid great time. The Bulls got within TWO strikes of the win but coughed up a couple of homers to gag it away..
infield's dry, no chance for rain
it's a perfect night for a baseball game
anthem sung, first pitch thrown
high inside there were kisses blown
dancing off of the waving hands
of the fat lasy in the stands

more keith pics

 

 

 

 

from Curtis

My friend Curtis, who I met on the Delbert Cruise, sent me this note..
Dear Terry, Shane gave me your new cd of the Yayhoos Put the Hammer Down for my birthday. The little bastard sure knows what I like. I've been wearing it out the last 3 days. I mean, it was about time. It had been litterally months since I had any new music by you. Why the long wait. Who do you think you are, Boston? Your music affects me and it's your fault. I bow up and feel like smart mouthing people when I hear Never Give an Inch. Where's Your Boyfriend At makes me want to forget the common courtesy of not coveting thy neighbor's wife and/or girlfriend. Love Train is an excellent cover and makes me want to hug people. While Hurtin' Thing is so sweet I want to say sweet things to ladies like, "Can I put my tongue in yo mouth?"When I hear Would It Kill You, I want to gulp a couple of viagras and get jacked up to look for anything "hot 'n holla." Everything/Anything makes me want to shake my ass. Oh sorry, scratch that, you don't need that visual. Gettin Drunk, get nekid, get laid and get out always makes me cry. You ain't right brother and that's what I love about you. There ain't no slant to it, ya got ya some Amercian rock and roll and I fuckin' love it. Whatever your rock and roll dreams are, I hope you reach 'em. your friend and fan, Curtis
You're makin' 'em come true right now, Curtis!

Ro5c0e!!!

 

Happy Birthday Ro5c0e!!!

with love, from ALL us Yayhoos out here!!

love some Greg

 

We sure do love us some Greg Rice up in here! The CFAM/OAKTeam piano virtuoso beat the living shit outta the keys for Keith's record last night along with providing plenty of comic relief..as if we needed more of it with Keith around!

day in B&W

 

 

 

 

Saturday Keith update

Well things are going swimmingly over here at the 411Pod working on Keith’s record. Dan came to town and we nailed a couple cool grooves down last night. We went out and had a few at the Hideaway BBQ where The Bottle Rockets were playing and the alcohol prices have gone way up ($6.50 for a thimble of Jager?). But I survived the late night and really tired drive home and got up to go see Will’s band do an early afternoon show. They were great! Then, it was (and still is!) such a beautiful day that I put the top down on the Beemer and drove into town, Howling Wolf’s “300 Pounds of Joy” blasting. 3 pm downbeat and everyone was on time and ready to rock. Keith, Dan and I laid down a track of Ringo’s “Photograph” that rocked like ass! At this time I’m listening to Keith throw some slide on there and heads in the studio playback area are bobbing to and (all the way to..) fro. More updates later..

ASCAP Tops 300,000 Members!

From Irving Berlin to Beyoncé, George Gershwin to Green Day, Henry Mancini to Joan Sebastian, Duke Ellington to Hans Zimmer, ASCAP, the first and leading performing rights organization, has long been driven by the talent and vision of its music creator members. On August 13th, we announced a new milestone: the number of songwriters, composers and music publishers to join the Society has now surpassed 300,000. As our membership numbers increase, you, the music creator, gain rising influence in the future of the music industry. This year alone, close to 40,000 members have been elected, and the value of the member-run organization shows in ASCAP's continued growth and popularity. As the music industry evolves, ASCAP's model of diversity continues to prove its strength, and we are glad to be sharing this achievement with you.


..and who's the baddest Mutha of them all!!!!!!! Yep! you got it! ME!

sad day

 
It was 30 years ago today. My Dad broke the news.

1996 Euro Tour

Before the days of the intro-net, people kept dairies of pen to paper about the going-ons of daily occurrences. I guess I was one of them folks back in 1996. Yesterday while looking through piles of lyrics to old songs I found these ramblings about The Yayhoos first trip abroad. Mostly unfunny and general in nature, they still provide some insight to life on the road with The ‘Hoos. Had I the foresight to see the days of blogging coming, I might would have kept better and more detailed notes. Some of my memories did come back to me while writing this however and are injected in parentheses.
 
1996 Euro Tour
June 12..
Got to Copenhagen, Nils picked us up and took us to the hotel. I slept until 4-ish Copenhagen time. Got up and took a hot-ass bath then called Dan to go eat. We had Thai food then came back for more sleep. I woke up at 11pm and stayed up till 5am just flipping channels. After passing out for a couple more hours I got up and had the breakfast buffet, showered and was ready for the trip to Malmo.
June 13
We had an hour drive to catch the 30 minute ferry ride and soon got to the club which was real cool. The rental equipment was just OK but we had a pretty great gig considering our rust. We played for 2 hours and enjoyed some shitty food after the gig, but the people we real nice to us so that counted for something.
June 14
We left our beautiful, quiet and posh hotel in Malmo around 10:30am. We drove back through Copenhagen (I remember we stopped at Nils’ girlfriend’s house for some reason) and on to the next ferry, our second of the day. It was some kinda super “Lear” ferry that seemed to travel at about twice the speed of our other one. I smoked a small cigar (huh? I did?) and mostly hung out on deck staring at the water. We got to the gig and realized that the PA was smaller than our guitar amps. Needless to say the gig sucked! Weird crowd of a-holes and such. Basically, we “phoned it in” and got the hell out. We just weren’t “clicking” because of some kind of time delay thing that was going on with the room. The dressing room was up about 1000 steps, in the dark. Arhus..to hell with it!
June 15
We left our shitty little hotel rooms at noon to sit and wait an hour and a half for the ferry back to Copenhagen. We got to the outdoor gig in Copenhagen and it was another timelessly beautiful, almost Fall-like day. Guys and girls were everywhere pissing in the woods along the dirt road we entered on. We saw a lot of drunk folks among this crowd of an estimated 10,000. The gig went well and we did a 3 song encore ending with Roscoe “mooning” the crowd. We left afterwards and hung out in downtown Copenhagen just eating and drinking wine. I had an awesome falafel and walked back to the hotel alone about 2am.
June 16
We left the hotel after waiting for our “designated last guy” Keith. We drove by some topless beaches on the way to the ferry at Hamlet’s castle. It was about 10pm before we got to Stockholm, seeing other beautiful castles, farmland and even a moose or two along the way.
June 17
It was a dreary day and we just hung out in our rooms until soundcheck. The Diamond Dogs opened and didn’t suck. They were quite rockin’ actually. It was a very hot stage but we played a great 2 hour set right up to closing time which was 11pm.
June 18
We hung out all day on Stockholm’s shopping strassa. Everything was really expensive so I mostly just hung around and drank coffee. There wasn’t really anything there that I couldn’t get at home for half the price anyway. We later departed on the “Love Boat” Silja Line to Finland. At about 9 we sprung for the super buffet which was way too much food and way too much money. We hung out in the boat’s disco, drank and watched some pretty girl in a see-through dress dancing and falling off of a dance riser.
June 19
We woke up about 7am to maids sweeping us off the boat and then suffered the 2 hour drive from Turku to Helsinki. We checked in about 10:30 and I slept until about 1:30. I walked through the rain around the corner for a $7 piece of quiche and a cup of coffee. I came back and wrote post cards until soundcheck. The club was only about 600 meters. They had an awesome monitor set up and we loved it. On stage that night we took our time and played a great 2 and a half hour show. We can say that we literally played ALL NIGHT because the sun was going down when we took the stage and coming up as we left it at 2:30am.
June 20
We drove to Tampare and went straight to the club. We were very disappointed at the promoter’s cheapness and lack of respect. He tried to put us into 2 different “rat’s nest” hotels that we refused to stay in. The PA and monitors both sucked! (I think this was the gig that the promoter’s band opened and we laughed as he sang “road runny, road runny..” and was ALSO the gig that Roscoe played the last few songs in his underwear).
June 21
This was the longest day of the year and it REALLY was in Scandinavia because it never DID get dark. The sun was coming up when we finished the gig at 1:30. the promoter dude was still pissed about the hotels thing even though that was most people EVER in that club. He was just gonna have to get over it cuz we ain’t staying in no damn rat’s nest! I woke up about 2:30 local time and after finally getting to talk to Grace I went with a couple of fans to see the town. We had “brunch” at a gas station, open-faced egg salad, sweet roll and coffee. It was about 30 Finish marks, or about 7 or 8 bucks. They took Keith and I up into a tower at a local amusement park. At about 500 ft. up we could see for kilometers and kilometers. We came back, got ready and had dinner at the club because of something called “Mid-Summer”, a day of festivals and drinking and drowning (from trying to piss out of a boat). There was no sunset. We did a gig that night that was part genius and part crap. Abba’s “Dancing Queen” (first time ever) and Glen Cambell’s “Gentle on my Mind” were among the highlights.
 
June 22
We got up and drove back to Turku. We spent a chilly afternoon by a muddy river getting sloppy drunk. We finally boarded the “Love boat” back to Sweden and once again it never got totally dark. Again I sprung for the buffet and then made an early night of it, passing out about 1am. I slept great in the hull of the boat listening to the spashing noises.
June 23
I woke up to stories Keith told of being in love again. I think this made the fourth time this trip. We got off of the boat and drove about 6 hours to Oslo. We laid around a bit at the hotel and then Dave (who?), Keith and I went to eat. We walked about 20 blocks down the street to the waterfront. I ate at McDonalds because I HAD to have the salmon burger or “Norsk McLaks” as it was called there. I kinda sucked, much like the fish sandwiches at McDonald’s, it was half toast. They also sold beer and wine.
I walked back by myself and later had great pizza with Nils and Dan just a few doors down from the hotel.
June 24
After breakfast, about 9:30 we went and did laundry at a nearby Laundromat.
Dan and I later walked down and had Greek food down by the waterfront again.
I walked back through the King’s yard and just hung out watching stupid movies in languages that I couldn’t understand all night.
June 25
Had breakfast at 8:30 (Damn! We did a lot of eating!) and then went back to bed, getting up for good at 11:30. Dan and I got together and wrote a song and then we all went down to the Cruise Club and kicked everybody’s asses for 2 hours and 40 minutes. It was the best “Dancing Queen” ever and a really great version of Prince’s “Never Take the Place of Your Man”. We left there with a warm and fuzzy feeling. (I also seem to remember that this was Roscoe’s infamous “Butterfly” gig. His guitar hanging, feeding back a lot and him with arms out “flying” nearly every song!)
June 26
After a boring drive from Olso to Copenhagen, seeing nary a moose, we again ate at McDonald’s and passed out at our shitty hotel rooms.
 

June 27
We left for our gig at the Roskilde Festival about 12:30. There were lines of cars full of hippies and hipsters and thousands of them walking up to what almost looked like Woodstock. We checked in, did a quick line check and then rocked the hell out of about 10,000 adoring fans in side of a huge circus tent. I opened the show with “Jesus in the Alley” and as I took my spot behind the drums Dan began with the feedback that became “Younger Face”. We jumped on’m and never let’m up.
We had a really nice dinner afterwards of seafood skewers and pasta and wine. We then went to the “Orange” stage (donated by The Stones from their ’75 tour of Europe..as seen on the cover of “Love You Live”) and saw a very surreal Neil Young and Crazy Horse show. Once again the sun just touched the horizon before returning to the sky. Roscoe and I watched from the comforts of the spotlight tower (and Dan from the side of the stage). We sat on a couch and “partook’” HIGH above the 90,000 or so fans and enjoyed a really great show. There were bonfires burning all around and (probably 50-60 ft.) below us which added to the surreal and dreamlike experience. We had pie and left.
June 28
Sleeping only about 2 to 3 hours, we had to get up at 5am to catch our flight home.
We left Copenhagen at 7:10am for Brussels and from there it was on to NYC.
From THERE it was back to RDU and on to BED!

deputy black

 
Ladies and gentlemen, meet the new deputy.. black belt.

Musical notes and news

After the gig yesterday we took the gear over to the studio, Jack’s 411Pod, to have it there to begin work on the next OakTeam record..finally! I grabbed some new heads
over at the music store for my snare drums.
I had to sell my prized Gibson 335 this week to feed the family (and my alcohol habit). Some dude in England has it now. Dave sold it for me on EBay. It can still be heard though. I played it on “Can’t Git the One You Want”. If we need that sound again I can borrow my Dad’s 175. But DAMN! It sure was a lot of fun to hang out with!..if not just to LOOK at!
Our old friend Dan Baird will be making the trek over to Jack’s 411Pod this week to pitch in on Keith Christopher’s record. Of course Mr. Christopher will be here and
I’m sure silliness will ensue. There’s talk of a cover of Ringo’s “Photogragh”
The OakTeam’s next gig is another outdoor afternoon affair on Friday night, Sept. 7.
in the courtyard behind what used to be Greenshield's Tavern and Brewery. If I’m not mistaken we’ll have about 3 hours to fill and will probably play everything we know. The following Friday, the 15th, we’ll be at The Pour House.

downtown live OAKT

We had a pretty good bunch down there yesterday and damn if we didn't give'm their money's worth too!
'Course it was free, but that's beside the point. We did rock like ASS! though...after Dave finally brought me some toilet paper to the portajohn! Then I was ready to GIT IT ON!!

Bo-ring!

-ring




Damn, what a boring week! Held captive by the heat (104 on Thursday and close the rest of the week), sick with a cold and sunburned, I was stuck in the house with evil daytime TV. No wonder there's so much violence in the US. If you ain't gotta job and you sit around and watch this crap then you just wanna kill somebody! I tried to stay away from it, and did a pretty good job of it, but there were times that that was all I COULD do. I soon found out that washing clothes and dishes was more productive, and less depressing.
Thank God there is rock on the horizon this afternoon! I should be ready to beat out some frustrations...with a vengence!

"..down to the Crystal Coast"

Dan has a character that he does in the van occasionally. His name is Rupert. He’s this gay guy who sounds like it just kills him to utter each and every word. In most of Rupert’s situations he’s calling a new boss to ask if it would be OK to delay his first day of work because he and some dudes were out at the lake and got sunburned as hell. It’s a hilarious bit.
Well, I’m feeling ya today Rupert. Not the gay part, but the sunburn. Grace, Nathan and I went to my buddy Barry Herndon’s place down on the Crystal Coast again this weekend and had an even better time than last, just a few weeks ago. We tried to get it all in.
We got there late Friday afternoon and watched the sun go down over some Chinese and a couple of bottles of Zin. Grace and I sat upstairs on the deck and listened to some more Todd. (Notice a pattern here lately, with all the Todd?)

 

We woke up Saturday morning with a lot of things on the plate. Let’s see, we had to ride Barry’s golf cart, we had to go to the beach, go to the Simpson’s movie, go to a sand sculpture contest, go eat good local seafood and whatever else we could cram in. We got it all done too, without too much of a hitch. When we got to the beach the waves were pretty rough so we didn’t stay long, maybe an hour or so. On the way home we checked out Fort Macon for a quick Civil War history lesson.

 

We went out for lunch, which was only $26 for 4 slices of pizza and a salad at a place called Michelangelo’s (he musta thought each slice was a masterpiece!).
Dropped off Mom, then Nathan and I went to the 2:15pm movie. I got out of the car and immediately heard a huge BAMMM!! Some guy in one of them trucks that you gotta have a ladder to get into was speeding in the parking lot and took off the whole front end of a small Cadillac, no doubt ruining a vacation for the family of four inside. No one appeared to be hurt, but man! It scared the shit outta me.
The movie was great and we stopped by the grocery store for limes and cookies and after a quick stop at the ABC Superstore we were headed back. (That was a damn nice liquor store, yo! Wished I could’a spent more time in there!) By then it was 4-ish and we had just enough time to check out some sand sculptures and go eat.

 

We headed down to Salter Path, got out and looked at a pretty pitiful line of entries and in 10 minutes were walking back to the car and headed to Emerald Isle to eat at Jordan’s. That pretty much knocked us back a notch or two, so after a couple of tequila drinks we were down for the count.
Sunday morning about 11:30 we hit the beach again, hoping for calmer seas. We were in luck. They were perfect, great for floating out a ways and awesome for boogie boarding more inland. We had so much fun that we didn’t bother stopping for sunscreen or nothing. I DID sit for a minute or two and had a beer, but I was right back out there in it till 2:30. We thought our superhuman powers would protect us from the sun but of course, we were oh so wrong.
Already feeling it as we cleaned up to leave, I decided to have a little Margarita type thingy. Hmmm…not too bad…I’ll have another…(repeat sentence times 6). So needless to say Grace had to drive my drunk ass home and listen to me play with the radio all the way back (although I did settle in on a couple of CD’s, Faces “Nod’s as Good as Wink”, and a best of Beach Boys disc) AND listen to Nathan who’s (ADHD) medicine we had forgotten. I don’t know which one of us was worse.
Anyway we made it back in one piece and greeting us at home was not only our world traveling and world saving son, Will but Grandama (Grace’s Mom) too! Who knew she was coming?
After a quick hello and hug for everyone, I walked in and turned the radio on just in time to hear Greg Rice on 96 Rock FM talk up our show this weekend at Moore’s Square. We’re opening for Soul Asylum and our slot is at 6:15. Y’all are coming aren’t you? Maybe I won’t be so beet red by then.

 

Iconic Photo

This pic should be a poster on the walls of kids today.
So I was thinking, did Todd wanna be Stevie, or did Stevie wanna be Todd? Or did Prince wanna be Todd...or Zappa? Or did Todd wanna be Zappa..or did Prince? Or did Prince wanna be Stevie? ..or did Zappa? Or did Prince wanna be Prince?..or did... Hmmm...

Rex

I was laughin’ today about when peas flew outta my nose at the dinner table one night when my Dad was tellin’ the story about Rex the dog. You know the one. Rex is the dog of a high society lady in a big fancy house. Rex is loved and cared for like one of the children. The lady is having a dinner party and feels sorry for her gardener, who is always broke and struggling, and invites him to her soirée. On the day of the party the gardener is completely out of food but for one can of pork and beans. He is starving and debates whether he should eat the beans or not in fear that he might be gaseous that evening. Finally, he gives in and eats the huge can of beans. That night he is introduced to the crowd and though he is not as well dressed as everyone else he is accepted, though still somewhat looked down upon. He sees Rex the dog sitting in the corner and decides that should he sit beside him, he could let out his gaseousness and everyone would think it was the dog. As was bound to happen, the gardener finally lets out a loud fart. Pffft!!
The lady gives Rex a mean eye, “Rex!” The gardener chuckles inside “He he! This is great! I can sit here and do this all night and no one will ever know!”, he says to himself. Soon… Pppffft!!!...he lets out an even louder one! The lady again yells over to the dog “REX!!” The man stares off like he has no part of it. The party is a hit but for this one bother to the lady. Finally, the gardener can’t hold it in any longer and lets out a really loud and wretched one. PPppppfffftttt!!!!! The lady’s head whips around from her conversation,
“REX!!!! Git away from that man before he shits all over you!!”
It was at this point that the peas left my mouth and went shooting out of my nose.
Needless, to say, I was unable to finish my meal.

Well, the wife and I are taking Nathan to the beach again this weekend. So I’m headed down tomorrow to pick up the keg, the case of wine (unfortunately not Gamba) and the half a gallon of tequila. Looking forward to kicking back and finally getting some rest. Y’all have a great weekend!