Don’t y’all love the music that stores play these days to make your shopping experience more enjoyable? I was in the grocery store this morning and had to listen to this maddening Allman Brothers shit that was nothing but backwoods jazz. It was meandering guitar solos just weaving their way up and down the chromatic scale. And these old ladies working the cash registers were oblivious to what a steaming pile of crap they were being inundated with. THEN, I went to Wal-Mart, which is always sketchy, and evidently they have their own radio station now. What a happy fuck that DJ was! I’m looking for a pair of gloves and guess what magical number he lays on me, “Puppy Love”. Yep, Donny Osmond’s freaking ice-pic-in-the-earhole classic. I grab the first pair I see and run.
I liked it better when they had Muzak. At least that was kinda fun. You could hear a Tom Petty song or something every once in while.
In a separate instance of bewilderment, why was there a used condom in the parking lot of the Bunn Post Office this morning?