Ask Terry!

Yeaaaah! It’s another installment of “Ask Terry”!!

The first question comes from Lazanya in Apex, North Carolina. She asks:
Terry, I’m getting in a rut preparing dinner for my husband every night. We seem to have the same thing every week, do you have any suggestions?
Two words, lady...party fixin’s! When Daddio gets home, have a real nice spread of party food out for him. Believe me, he’ll love it! Pour out a bowl mixed nuts, potato chips and French Onion dip, a bowl of M&M’s, sliced cheddar cheese and crackers (don’t cube it, guys hate that! It don’t fit on a cracker like that!), some of them little pickles would be cool and maybe some of them little wieners and on the side. Also! Have a tea glass full of chilled Absolute vodka waiting for him. He’ll eat his heart out and then drink that big ‘ol glass of liquor and it’s “Goodnight!” and you’ve hit a home run!

Ward in Saxapahaw asks:
Terry, I have a problem with flatulence or farting. Something is wrong with my stomach and I can be very gaseous at times. I have embarrassed myself in church, on a bus, on a DATE (which of course was our ONLY date!), at work..you name it! Is there any way that I can smooth over these awkward situations? Please help!
You people ask the stupidest shit! OK, this is simple. This is what you do. As soon as something “slips out”, you look over at the person next to you (knowing that they heard you) and say these three words very quietly…..”I Love You!” That’ll break the ice EVERY TIME and take their mind right off of what just happened. Try it! You’ll see!

And finally Charles in E.St.Louis asks:
Terry, can you give me a quick lesson in “pleezin’ the ladies”?
Oh hell yeah, Charles! Thass easy! Here’s what you do. You get “inside” then you just try to jump over her head. Thass it!

Simple answers for simple people.