The main reason I write songs is because I HAVE to in order to hear the music I want. To my ears 98.6% of all music out there sucks! So I have to be my own radio so to speak.
One thing that puts a damper on that notion is hearing a song that I could never write or in all my years, top. One such song is “Tie my pecker to my leg” by Mojo Nixon. In a song FULL of great verses this is my favorite:
“Me and your Momma and some other whore,
floatin’ down a river on a shithouse door,
Gonna tie my pecker to my leg, to my leg
Gonna tie my pecker to my leg”
Now what pickled crevice of retarded grey matter did he dig that out of? Something about those lines are terribly terribly wrong but ooooh so right. The genius is in it’s imagery. Let’s dissect it:
If I was “Me” in the song, why would I suggest someone’s mother was a whore..by singing it to them?
How would the other person feel by being referred to in song as only “some other whore”?
Why would I be with 2 whores, one old enough to be someone’s mother?
Would a shithouse door really float? Especially with 3 people on it?
What river would we be on and where would I float with 2 whores to?
If I was with 2 whores, why would I tie my pecker to my leg?
What about the shithouse? Wouldn’t the lack of a door render it useless?
What would be the purpose of tying my pecker to my leg anyway? Why wouldn’t I just use duct tape like I usually do?
Whose shithouse is it? Won’t they be pissed when they see that the door is missing?
How would we actually get ON the shithouse door without it tipping or sinking?
These are all worth considering, and what makes the song so brilliant! There are limitless possibilities to what the song is really about.
OK, that’s enough ass kissing.
NOW, PLAY MY DAMN RECORD MOJO!