As I settled in to watch game 3 of the World Series with a lovely cabernet from Aldi which set me back a good ohhh...$2.50 (June was a very good month!), I heard the introduction of a new song from Michael McDonald with some friends of his. It was a song called "The Heart of America". The title itself spelled trouble. I knew that there was a toiletfull of my vomit waiting if I were to hear one single note of this flachulence. So instead of hitting the mute button I threw on a pair of hard bottomed dress shoes that were in the way anyway and began stomping around on the hardwood floor with my fingers in my ears. I made my way outside and came back in 5 minutes later when I knew it was safe. The game finally begins a year and a half later and who do I see sitting behind the plate but none other than...George WASHINGTON! Oh no, wait that's Barbara Bush sitting with the seldom talked about younger brother of the President, Mitch. He's a funeral florist in his spare time and has NO political aspirations.
THEN Tim "Dumbass" (as America Likes to call him) McCarver starts with his shit! His first brilliant observation goes like this: "A drop and drive pitcher is one that...drops....and.... driiiives!" WOW! Now I got it, Dickhead! Thanks for clearing that up for me! Later after a Jason Lane homer he says: "In the Wizard of Oz it was follow the the yellow brick road, this was follow the yellow brick LINE!" Remember when the Braves won in '95 and Deon Sanders sprayed McCarver in the face with champagne? Deon, I'm beggin' you! Please come back! It ain't gotta be champagne, hell shake up a hot Colt 45 and spray his ass! Anything!! FOX, Please....you can't be serious with this clown! Oh my, GOD! I'm opening the other bottle right now!